


That Time I Tried To Stop Loving You

by Unicornsfartglitter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 06:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16928118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsfartglitter/pseuds/Unicornsfartglitter
Summary: Shane was always drawn to Negan but realizing that then admitting it was hard to do.





	That Time I Tried To Stop Loving You

**Author's Note:**

> I love me some of this rare pairing.

They cowered in fear when Negan walked down those stairs with heavy feet, he killed Abraham then Glenn and appeared to enjoy it.

Even with blood soaking into the dirt and all the cries, Maggie’s the harshest Shane saw him. Negan tall and proud wearing a damn red scarf and leather jacket. The entire wardrobe fit him well and Shane felt something stir within him that never had before.

Shane decided long ago to follow Rick, he was the better leader and when he put his ego aside he found comfort in that. Lori and many others had died but many more would have under his rule.

Negan paraded Daryl around like a puppy on a leash and took too much interest in Carl. Shane knew he wanted the kid on his side and the Savior was only more proud each time Carl refused and fought back. Yet that feeling never went away.

They won the war and part of him waited for Rick to press the jagged glass further into Negan’s neck. Fear overcame him when the man was saved and rushed away by Sadiq because it meant he couldn’t hide. That feeling he pushed back strummed against his chest demanding to be known.

Negan talked, talked so damn much. About anything. Sex, the weather, what the civilians said outside his window, the tomato sandwich he ate for lunch. If anyone told him to shut up his next topic would be even more stupid.

“I’m on to you ya know?” 

Negan smirked and leaned over, his knuckles gliding across the cell bars as he bit his lip.

“What?”

“I’m so fucking bored here, people forget I’m here and it’s like watching damn tv outside that window and the ones who come down here tell me to shut up, ignore me. Threaten to gag me which that would be interesting.”

Shane rolled his eyes.

“But you? You listen a lot more than the others.”

“Whatever.”

Shane gave him back his ball that had rolled past his cell door at the beginning of their visit and then turned to leave. His hand on the knob was so close opening that door to leave but then Negan said it.

“That’s what I mean. No one else would have even noticed my little toy escaped my clutches.”

With him it was always mind games so Shane closed the door and left out not caring what those words really meant. 

But maybe that was because he already knew what Negan was implying.

Shane groaned when Rick told him to cut Negan’s hair, it was getting too long and to shave his beard while he was at it.

“Do I look like a barber?”

One head cock and bribe of white chocolate later and Shane walked in with a small tub of supplies.

“It’s about time you decided to shave my shit. I was going to write the Warden.”

“Negan shut up and do your thing.”

At that Negan turned and allowed himself to be cuffed. It was rare he didn't give lip but Shane’s hands though his hair were like heaven every time and any intimacy would do these days but Shane’s was the best and also sadly the least occurring.

“You know the drill. Stay quiet and I won’t knick you.”

Being a good little trooper Negan obeyed only changing tactics after the wet towel around his chin was removed and the blade made its first swipe.

“I would love to see what else those hands could do.”

The cut to his neck was anticipated, the slow trickle of blood oozing down. Negan liked to bleed when it wasn’t his own doing.

“I’ll let you be rougher if you want.”

“Shut up and stop with the games.”

No matter how much he talked Shane didn't cut him again, even when he inhaled too deep on purpose.

Locked back in his cell he rolled the ball across his thigh and talked, talked about the pending rain and the cows he heard mooing outside but couldn’t see. He talked about them so much even with no reply he was certain Shane would let him see one of those damn cows. Bessie probably, the one Judith told him about.

“I might need a bandaid for this knick. Damn cruelty was what that shave was, You are lucky I don’t file a complaint.”

“Shut up Negan, we both know you liked it and are so fucked up in the head you would have liked to have bled more.”

Then the door to his prison slammed shut again.

“Damn Shane I told you I’m onto you.” Negan whispered to himself.

No one knew Negan craved to hurt as much as he wanted to be free, how he wanted to take Judith fishing but also wanted to lay rotting like a walker as he was forgotten. Only Shane knew how much he wanted to change just as much as he wanted to hurt then die.

Only Shane knew that when Maggie came into his cell and he begged for death it wasn’t a ploy but a plea.

Shane knew him inside and out and validated it two days later when Bessie came to his window and he was given treats to feed her.

Freedom came with a cost. Rick told him to help and he would but he waited for it. The promise to be taken back just like he did to so many. The cuffs to shackle him again but no one ever came into his home at night and ushered him back into his cell.

He went on a jog only to be ignored by the whiny bitches he saved who still feared him after he slayed the enemy.

“Hmm.” Negan stopped to pant and crossed his arms at the leader of their newly defeated enemy being shoved into her cell. 

There was only one cell. so maybe it meant he was free. But then maybe they just planned to shoot him outside the gates instead.

“I feel sorry for that chick.”

“What?” Negan said still out of breath.

“We didn’t clean the sheets when you left, they’re probably completely white old man.”

Shane jogged away to continue his opposite track very far from Negan. “Yeah right Walsh everyone knows you cuddle with those sheets at night.”

Negan imagined an eye roll on Shane as his retreaded but he would be wrong, a smile as broad as Texas was there instead. 

Shane would deny the satisfaction he had when Negan sauntered in with a human head, the thrill he felt when Negan was covered in walker blood after a shift. Even how he savored the thick sweet scent of Negan’s sweat after too much running.

He would never admit he loved when Negan brought him his leftover food because he couldn’t eat any more leftovers or accept that he intentionally forgot to return the brown handkerchief that Negan lost at his house, the one that matched his eyes.

“Are you more into vanilla milkshakes or one of those weird flavors?”

Negan asked him from his porch steps one day.

Shane definitely did not jump at the man he didn't see there..

“Unless you have some ice cream stored in your freezer it doesn’t matter.”

“It’s not a fucking hard question I just want to know. Humor me.”

Shaking his head Shane sighed out. “Peanut butter banana. You?”

No, Shane didn’t really want to know. He was just humoring the weirdo.

“Cherry, really anything with fruit.”

Shane ran on after the answer without a reply.

“Fucking rude.” Negan licked across his too white tooth and watched that ass work in those shorts. “Knew it.”

Negan already pegged Shane for the peanut butter part, the man ate too much of it when they could find it but the banana part was interesting. What he didn’t know was that when Shane kept running he wasn’t surprised himself that Negan loved cherry. ‘It was obvious by all those maraschino cherries the man ate.’ He lied to himself.

More deaths came, young and old. Judith got fiercer and fought back like a warrior. Michonne was her momma in every way. The houses morphed into more quaint, the foundations of the old houses stripped down for supplies. More families housed together as the seasons changed.

Shane told himself he wasn’t looking too intently at Negan’s waist when he dipped in a stream that summer and he wasn’t concerned when Negan coughed until it seemed his lung would slip right out of his fevered mouth last Winter. The dripping wet curls of Negan's hair in the Summer heat or with the sickness of the Winter wasn’t appealing at all.

When Negan told him he was scared he was going to die as he laid almost lifeless in a bed Shane didn't feel a damn thing.

Negan made it, soon enough the “two singles” were ushered into what was practically a shack. A room only big enough for a couch with a bigger kitchen and one bedroom with two single beds. It was for the newbies when they arrived but people were getting scarcer so there was no one to welcome into their gates. The families inside were multiplying though and that’s how they landed here.

“It’s discrimination at it’s finest! Their fucking breeders so now I’m in this house, it has no insulation. We’re gonna be freezing our asses off soon enough.” “And our nuts.” Negan tacked on.

“You calling them breeders isn’t helping your case.”

“Like this is court and we’re fucking fighting it. We should just fuck and get on with it, maybe with zombies and all that shit going on we’ve evolved. Hell you might can shoot out our love child.”

“Negan shut up! You're not making any sense and even if you were you would be having the baby.”

“Hell no! You're a bottom, it’s how you carry yourself.”

“What that supposed to mean?” Shane felt himself actually getting offended for once by the loud mouth.

“I mean you look like one of those power bottoms. Like you just love to take it.”

“Shut up Negan!”

Shane’s brain started to shut down, there was no reply for Negan’s craziness. Negan checked out their small quarters which only took a few minutes, at least it had a decent wood oven and some nice sized pans. He looked at Shane and flopped down next to him too close but by now they hardly noticed.

“I can cook us some fish.”

“Fine.” Shane stretched out. “How do you know what a power bottom is anyway? You look like the type that wouldn’t know any of that stuff.”

“Me?” Negan laughed at the assumption but then stopped his amusement to stare Shane down. “Maybe I should ask you the same.”

“You said it first!” Shane exclaimed.

So it was like that huh?

“Well that’s easy, I’m bisexual and if I’m being honest I usually preferred a guy more than a gal. Lucille was the only broad who could keep my dick’s attention away from a nice firm melon of a man’s ass.”

Shane grumbled. “Why did I even ask?’

“Good question.” Negan smirked.

Things got quiet between them, awkwardly so and Shane just reeled in his mind what Negan admitted. He had never been interested in a man before Negan and the news made him think back on all of Negan’s lingering stares that he mistook for him screwing around.

“I’m gonna go get those fish from Daryl.”

Shane didn't even hear him as the door slammed shut.

And if that night they talked like no admission was made and Shane noticed the fish was baked with no lemon like Negan loved it he didn’t say a thing. For he hated lemon and Negan loved to cook with it and yet across from him he watched juice be squeezed on Negan’s already baked fish. It didn't mean a thing anyway.

Their first night in the new home isn’t bad, mostly because Shane went to bed early and could pretend not to hear Negan come in. Things got even easier when he finally allowed them to retire at nights at the same time, sometimes they talked and other times just read quietly but it was always comfortable and never did he worry about walkers eating him at night with Negan so close.

Ted punched Negan in the face hard knocking him to the ground, most of the ones behind the gate who never knew hardship just hated him. They couldn’t let it go though time had passed and began had changed. Negan took it, doing nothing to stop the stomping to his ribs and Shane ran forward charging Ted and tackling him into a headlock. The Alexandrian realized he couldn’t get away and finally calmed down only pushing against Shane once before storming off.

“Why did you let him do that?”

“Because I deserved it.” Negan said as he walked away.

It was the first time Shane admitted to himself he liked Negan and didn’t like how the man took the punches.

Every night the two ate together, Negan always the one to cook. Negan pecked at his plate looking at it miserably, his cheek and nose swollen.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” Negan snapped.

“If it's nothing then why are you getting defensive? You should have wiped the ground with Ted’s ass.”

Negan threw his scraps into the goat feed bucket and groaned, his eyes wouldn’t reach Shane’s as he spoke low. “Four years ago today I killed Glenn and Abraham.”

He went to bed as Shane sat in shock, he didn’t even remember the date anymore and as hard as he tried he couldn’t be angry at Negan but he did get angry at himself for feeling that way.

Going to bed way past midnight Shane tossed and turned before inhaling deep. “It’s the past Negan. You weren’t the first or the last one to kill one of our family and unlike all of those you've changed and saved some of us too. Let it go man.”

With that he went to sleep knowing in his gut Negan had too and he didn't know this by the breathing shifting within Negan’s lungs. Or at least he tried not to know that was why.

It may have been stupid but Shane goes on a run with Negan, if when he’s gone he worries it worse when he’s by his side. No matter how many join on a run it’s still dangerous, time hasn’t slowed down the walker population but it sure has killed off most humans.

That’s why it’s shocking to hear a woman yelling and they both run hoping the way they are going is right and past a clearing they see it. A dirty woman with rags for clothes stabbing tiredly at walkers, there’s nearly twenty and she takes down six, her knife dragging slower with each stab. Negan and Shane take down the rest and her eyes widen.

She listens to them telling her about Alexandria, what they have to offer. The stranger cries when Negan offers her a bag of food even if she decides not to go with them and they reassure her their community are fighters.

Negan nearly passes out when she pulls the bag off her back and reveals a baby, clean despite her mother not being so and she’s pudgy and happy unlike her shrunken in mother. The woman stifles her cries when Negan smiles wide and asks to hold her.

Instead she holds her baby tight and kisses her cheek, tells them her name and how much she loves her. The baby Maria happily jumps into Negan’s arms, she has to be around a year old. She grips Shane’s hand and leads him away from her child, always cautious his hand grips his knife but he’s sure there is no danger.

Negan holds Maria tighter when after a few minutes he hears a gun go off and Shane come back alone.

“She told me we have to be the one’s to raise her.” Is all Shane says as they return home with a wagon full of supplies and a baby.

It’s not cute at all the way Negan gathers so many toys for Maria, how he places the new crib next to his bed or the way he says “we.” 

Negan looks up at Shane with acceptance. “Right now it’s okay but she will need her own room eventually. We will need a bigger place.”

It’s Maria’s second birthday they have a big cake and friends over to celebrate. Shane loves his daughter who calls him dad but it’s obvious her favorite is papa. The one who has to tuck her in and read to her each night but when she’s scared or wants something papa won’t give her she always runs to daddy. Their house has one extra room and he never asked Negan why he built it that way.

Truth is he knows, some day it will probably be filled with another child. Never did he think it was for a girlfriend or boyfriend that would come Negan’s way. After all they still share a room that holds two separate beds. His heart seized up when Negan told him the building plans and said three rooms but when they moved in their rickety old beds were shoved into one he breathed again.

The party was earlier and Maria is asleep after playing all day. Shane bites into his favorite, cubed steak. Negan cooks it at least once every two weeks and Shane hates Negan’s favorite spaghetti that he never mentions gets cooked only once monthly.

Negan’s filled out, his skinny thighs thicker and his stomach growing. He has a growing beard that’s greying and sometimes puts glasses on after straining. Shane has a gash across his face and his six pack has long faded into a slim but barrel tummy, he feels old but never ugly because Negan still looks at him that way.

They don't talk that night as they shift in bed. Shane thinks back on what all got him here, a family and happiness spilling over at the end of the world. ‘Negan’ he thinks and starts to laugh. Long ago he accepted how he felt but he’s been wasting time, stupid time because he knows how Negan feels. Way before Maria he heard Negan whisper out his name as he jerked off in bed when he thought Shane was sleeping.

He turns on the light and Negan pouts at him. “What the hell Shane?”

Rushing to Negan’s bed the man sits up and cocks his head questionably. Shane grips his chin up and kisses him delving his tongue in and exploring too harshly. Negan opens wider and leans back and they only have a minute to catch their breaths before Negan’s tongue crashes into his taking control instead this time.

By the time Negan speaks Shane is sprawled over him as they have been giggling and kissing for over an hour.

“About fucking time Walsh.”

“Why did I have to make the move Rico Suave?” 

By now it’s apparent Negan’s the one with control, his hands exploring across Shane and his kisses domineering.

“Because you had to make the first step, if you took it back or rejected me I couldn’t take it and what we’ve had, it’s been enough. I could live with that for the rest of my life.”

Shane stares into mocha browns that are open and honest, they are now the most content he’s ever seen and he pecks those lips and settles down into Negan’s chest.

“Well I love you Negan and I’m here to stay.”

“I can live with that because.” Negan turns to stare him down and damn, Shane loves how he always looks at him when he speaks. “I love you too so much I’d take your last name.”

Shane laughs, they are practically already married and he holds Negan’s hand thinking of that one time he tried to stop loving him.

‘So stupid.’ He thinks again. 

For it wasn’t one time Shane Walsh tried to stop loving Negan but a million.

Never once did Shane Walsh regret that kiss and Negan found not much changed in their lives except some sweet kisses and yeah, Shane was definitely a power bottom. 

But he was smarter than to speak it. “Fucking knew it.” He never said out loud.

Because Shane may have tried to stop loving Negan a million times but Negan knew he loved Shane and admitted it just once.

The first time he saw him.


End file.
